reenville, N.C. — According to a press release by a team of top zoologists at universities around the world, MrBeast has successfully bred with a MrsBeast for the first time in captivity.
The team behind the result, a working group of zoologists from various disciplines, said that the result was a culmination of thousands of hours of work and millions in private funding – including the development of new machines and processes.
“Pandas were a fucking cakewalk compared to this” said Dr. Franz Klein, who has a PhD in Zoology from University of Glendale, Winston-Salem campus. “What we did here is nothing short of revolutionary.”
Klein, who was close friends with “Grizzly Man” Timothy Treadwell, said he and his fellow experts had never seen anything like the bizarre and, “deeply troubling,” mating behaviors they observed by MrBeast and MrsBeast.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” one scientist who asked not to be identified as they believe the process bordered on unethical, said. “We had guys quitting every single day. They get one glance at the mating ritual and they quit right there on the spot. I’m still uncomfortable with what we saw and what we encouraged. I think we went too far. The public should have been part of the process. You can’t mess with nature like this in a lab without input from elected officials.”
Asked where MrsBeast was originally found, Klein declined to comment. “I’ve received a number of letters from top U.S. officials informing me that information about MrsBeast’s origins are considered classified.”
When pressed, Klein deflected by reciting some of MrBeast’s displays of “impressive mental stamina” as a sort of off-putting courting ritual of MrsBeast – including burying himself alive and according to notes “removing his entire personality from his body.”
At press time the scientists confirmed the whole thing would indeed be part of a new YouTube channel they were starting, urging anyone in the peer review process to like and subscribe.
